“Good Grief Charlie Brown” is obviously an oxymoron

It has come to my attention that no grief is “good” grief! 8 months of this crap is 8 months too long.

Some days my grief is like a mosquito, I have to swat it here and there to keep it at bay. But, once in a while it is literally a mother fucking vampire that completely drains me of every ounce of strength I have. That was yesterday.

Yesterday was my birthday, I didn't think much about it, I wasn't worried about my wrinkles or gray hair, to be honest I don't really care that I am almost a half century old, but I woke up yesterday morning and was greeted by a big grief punch in the face.

Since my son died in February I have joined a club that no one wants to be part of. Let's call it the grief club and the grief club sucks.

Halloween has forever been my favorite holiday. I freakin' love pumpkins, candy, costumes, black cats (please husband can I have another?) but this year Halloween feels like it needs to be skipped, and Thanksgiving and Christmas and fuck you Happy New Year please just let us fast forward to probably like April because I can't even imagine what my mental state of mind will be in February. It will probably take all 31 days of March to recover from that forever fucked month!

In the past 8 months I have seen others suffer from loss, loss of a child, loss of a parent, loss of a sibling, loss of a spouse..... so much loss, so much sadness, so much regret (that stupid human emotion regret, ugh, I hate you regret!)

In some instances the saying “Misery loves company” is true but in these cases I do not love seeing others in misery. I do not wish anyone to feel the way I feel. It is not fair nor just or warranted.

But I can say that social media, which in some cases seems to be the downfall to human communication actually made yesterday better. Almost 200 people took a minute to say “Hey Kel, we know something totally horrible happened to you, we care about you and want you to be okay” Um, hello social media, thank you! And thank you to all of you, you are all important, you are all relevant, you are all part of the light that shines in times of darkness. Keep being kind, keep being constant, keep being available. You never know when you will need a hand but when you do, I will have a hand for you.