Sunday, December 31, 2017




Happy New Year?

I would love to say that I am looking forward to 2018. Maybe if my son were here to turn 32 on February 10th 2018 or maybe if February 28th 2018 was not the year anniversary of the day I found him unresponsive, cold, gone. Maybe then I might be thinking of great things that could happen this year instead of wishing that I could rewind time. Thinking of what February will be like this year for me is terrifying.

If wishes came true and I could jump back to February 10th 1986, the first day I saw his wrinkly little face, the first time I looked into his beautiful blues eyes, the first time I realized what true love was, would things have been different? Would this year be a Happy New Year?

If wishes came true and I could jump back to February 28th 2017 minutes before he decided that he could not take his pain anymore and I got to his house in time, would things have been different? Would this be a Happy New Year?

When thinking about making wishes and all of the crazy things we as humans wish on I made a list of every one I could remember.....

Fallen eyelashes, shooting stars, 1st stars, wishbones, wishing wells, fountains, birthday candles, old dandelions, and the newest addition 11:11.  I have tried all of these, none have worked so far. I will keep trying, but my wish is a pretty tough one to grant. OOOOh, GRANT!! I forgot about "granting" wishes, I forgot about a Genie! Where's Alladin when you need him?!

FUCK! Thinking of Aladdin made me think about that big fat blue Disney Genie, which in turn made me think of the actor that gave him a voice, and of course that voice was non other than the voice of Robin Williams who tragically committed suicide in 2014 after suffering for years with...Dun Dun Dunnnn.....DEPRESSION!  And that brought me back to why I started writing this in the first place. UGH, FUCK DEPRESSION! This is the worst time of year for most of those who suffer with it.  Take a minute to check in with your friends and loved ones that might need a simple "Hello, how are you" Sounds like a menial thing to do but this actually could save a life.

Tonight being New Years Eve wishes are usually traded in for resolutions, they really don't seem extremely different from each other. A Wish is defined as"A desire or hope for something to or not to happen." A Resolution is defined as "A firm decision to do or not to do something."

A resolution is a wish that you make come true!

Fun Fact about New Years Resolutions, 22% fail after one week, 40% after one month, 50% after three months, 60% after six months, and 81% after twelve months.  The odds are stacked against us my friends! But as I have said before all we can do is try and if we fail we try again.  My resolution this year will be that I  take a minute everyday in 2018 to close my eyes, take a breath and think of a happy moment I spent with my son and everyday that I do this I will try to preform a "good" deed for another person in his honor.  I am more than 81% sure that I can keep this resolution!

So think about those resolutions folks and make 'em good, make 'em firm! Prove those statistics wrong, don't give up on your wishes, don't give up on human kindness and most important never ever give up on yourself!  XOXO



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